mothers-rule-of-life

Welcome to week 4 of the A Mother’s Rule of Life online book study.  If you are visiting for the first time, you can find the other weeks here.  This week we are reading chapter 5- The Third P: Partner.

I struggle with this, too.  I know I said a few weeks ago, but its a difficult thing to go from being just about your husband for 7 years to being a parent.   I personally think the idea of “having a life” before children does a disservice to everyone involved.   How can I be expected to deal with my husband in the same way, manner and/or quantity that I did before children?  I can’t, I know, but he is accustomed to it.  He understands it is different for sure, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t sometimes yearn for the way it used to be.   How do I make him feel as valued now as I used to make him feel?

I found it interesting that I had very few notes to take away from this chapter.  Obviously she is not clairvoyant and making your husband feel appreciated and valued is something Holly can’t give us.   I did pull away three things, though.

  • being available
  • being accepting
  • helping

Obviously our husbands have a lot on their shoulder’s, especially if they are the primary breadwinner.  Some time this week, try to have a discussion with him about if there is anything that you can help him with and maybe ask what his biggest priorities/peeves are regarding things in your court.   For instance, I once read a story about a woman who spent HOURS ironing her husband’s clothes because that’s what HER mother did.  After talking to him, she found out he could care less and was annoyed that the floor was never vacuumed.   Well, vacuuming is a LOT quicker than ironing his undies :).  You might be surprised at what he notices and what he doesn’t.  I’ve had this conversation with my husband on occasion and it always changes my chore list/priority.

If you are using the workbook, she includes healthy meal planning and weight management in this section.   The healthier you (all) are, the more helpful you can be.  Among other things *ahem* ;).

For Discussion

How to you feel about Holly’s definition of submission?   How about her assertion that you should make yourself available?    What did your husband’s say when you talked to them?   Any surprises?    Let us know if you had any, duh that’s so simple things come up?   How to you keep your hubby feeling valued with kids?   Please share!

Next week, we will be discussing the Fourth P:  Parent.

6 Comments on MROL Book Study – Week 4

  1. Amanda
    1 February 2010 at 7:38 PM (8 years ago)

    I am behind so I just blogged about this one today. This book study has been so helpful!
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..MROL book study week 4 =-.

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  2. Catherine B.
    30 January 2010 at 9:03 PM (8 years ago)

    I sometimes wonder at peoples apparent yearnings for their life before children (although I must admit to yearning for that one morning about 5 years ago when we both slept in till 9). Yes, we are usually strapped for time and even more stressed for a while but soon it seems as if the new arrival had been with us forever. I guess I’m just saying that we adjust our expectation of each other based upon our situation. Jon (my husband) knows that I do try to attend to him when I can. I do like Holly’s suggestion to have scheduled time for me to be available to my husband. There have been plenty of evenings when the book I’m reading or the show I’m watching seems more important than being available to my spouse. But what should I do when I’ve had an extremely stressful day and all I can think about is being left alone and not needed? Sometimes I just need space. I asked my husband this last night (on our date!) and he agreed that it’s not every night I can be available to him and that he also understands the need for space. As far as feeling valued, Jon makes a point of asking the kids every evening what Mommy did for them today and then proceeds to encourage them to say thank you for those things. He even throws in a few things of his own to say thank you for. I’ve tried to act in kind but I think he’s still better at it than me. I’m learning.
    Hmmm…..what about submission? That’s a hard one. Even my husband didn’t have a solid answer for that one. But we both agreed that IF he is to be the “head of the house” it would be amiss of him to ignore my advice and experience in matters regarding the children and the home (and in our case finances). I believe it is my duty to encourage him to lead our family in its mission of living out the faith. And together know that at the head of our marriage is God.

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  3. allison
    29 January 2010 at 9:37 AM (8 years ago)

    I’m not quite finished the chapte yet–but when I opened it this morning I found a new bookmark. It said (in DH’s handwritting) “If you want to be holy, DO John, your holy husband.” Took me a few seconds to get it. Good thing we are hjaving a BIG DATE tomorrow! HAHAHA!

    [Reply]

    jen Reply:

    AWESOME :)!!! I love it!

    [Reply]

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